I am sorry, yes I do curse in front of my children!

Welcome to my blog!

I have decided to join the bandwagon and start a blog so I can share happy moments, frustrating moments (mostly), and just random thoughts that are plaguing my mind daily. 

To quote  C.J. Cherryh   "It is perfectly okay to write garbage—as long as you edit brilliantly."

Just some quick facts about me. I have been married to my husband for thirteen years now and we have three daughters ages 9,8 and 3.   I will turn 37 in two months , I think that is correct, hang on a second let me pull out my I- phone calculator so I can subtract the year I was born from the year it is now, yes I was correct on my age I will turn 37 in January....

I work full time out of my house but I still can't decide if that is a good or bad thing because I never get a break from seeing dirty laundry piling up or dirty dishes doing the same. 

Lately I believe I am experiencing a new phase in my life that I am not sure if a qualified therapist would label as boredom, depression, exhaustion etc. but the daily mundane tasks that never bothered me before are REALLY starting to bother me now.

I get out of bed each morning and I really want to be in a good mood, I really do, and I want to have a smile on my face and experience a Snow White moment and sing with the birds but in all honesty I just want to crawl back in bed, pull the covers over my head and not face ANOTHER day of impossible client deadlines, my husband asking me where HIS phone, phone charger,  keys, I pad, shoes are or hearing him complain that his socks that I have paired together are NOT in fact a match,  a massive 3 year old temper tantrum when all I tried to do was suggest she wear a pair of purple pants instead of her showing up once again in the same pink pants to daycare , sibling rivalry between my older girls over who is going to get to wear the one pair of silly sunglasses in the house when I know very well there are 20 other pairs hiding out in our house somewhere so they can participate in silly sunglasses day at school, spilled cereal and milk all over the kitchen counters, floor, kitchen table , 25 new loads of laundry to do that I swear were not in there yesterday, 7 baskets full of clean clothes to fold and put away that are now preventing me from entering into the laundry room, a stack of dirty dishes piling so high in my sink I can no longer see out of my kitchen window and last but not least cold molded coffee that is waiting for me in my coffee machine so once again I will be forced to spend another $6 at Starbucks because if I drink the molded coffee I could become really sick so I have no other choice but to order a tall latte and of course a slice of lemon pound cake that will add another 5lbs to my stomach rolls instantly......Now I have begged, pleaded, cried, solicited, requested that another living body in my household (there are 5 of us that live here) that someone else other then me just every once in awhile empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, fold a load of laundry, scrub a toilet or sweep the kitchen floor but my repeated requests fall on deaf ears and I won't be able to stand it if my house becomes a war zone .....I just don't have it in me to let the house go to pot. My girls are almost old enough and they are soon going to be doing the laundry and doing the dishes and they can just add that to their already compounding list of why mom is mean and always grumpy

As fulfilling and blessed as my life is I just honestly feel right now that I have become a robot doing the same things over and over each and every day and if I have to pick up one more empty fruit snack wrapper from the living room floor or if I find one more friendship bracelet laying on my hallway floor I am going to jump in my minivan, withdraw as much cash as I can from the ATM machine (hopefully it will be on a payday or I might have to use a credit card in which I may get tracked) and get on a foul smelling bus and disappear forever to a small city in Mexico where a blonde hair, blued eyed mom can easily blend in and of course I can get by knowing a few words of Spanish, such as knowing how to ask where a bathroom is and what time is it in Spanish, so I should be all set.

Today I would like to speak about a taboo topic- when a mother curses in front of her children. This morning I had 10 extra minutes and I was trying to get a load of laundry going before driving the kids to school and while I was sorting thru the darks and whites (please close your eyes for this next part if you get squeamish easily) I found a dirty piece of toilet paper that was caught in my toddlers dirty underwear and lets just say it contained a gross present for me....Most people have learned the art of keeping their comments to themselves but I admit I can blow up sometimes verbally and I managed to let out a very loud "You have got to be F***ing kidding me" out of my mouth before noticing that little ears, was standing right behind me and she was grinning from ear to ear.  At that moment, I was not sure what to do so I just played it off like nothing happened. However, when she was getting into the minivan she turned to me and echoed the same wording choice to me I had just used 5 minutes ago. Immediately my two older daughters started to get hysterical and repeating her exact words so as I am driving to school my mind was in a tizzy wondering if I should just come clean and let her teach know what had happened in case she hears the same choice words or if I should go along with my day as if nothing had happened I chose the latter.  Let's just say when I picked her up at daycare this evening there was a behavior note that I had to sign stating that my daughter was cursing on the playground today- the only thing that gave me a hint of happiness was the thought of a Housewives Reunion show on Bravo tonight.

I am a bad mother.