My oldest daughter decided last August that she wanted to take her dancing abilities to a whole new level.
I knew it was coming and I was holding my breath in anticipation waiting for it. She said the words I was hoping for my own selfish reasons were not going to be spoken from her lips, "Mom, I want to try out for the competitive dance team at the dance studio".
I gave her an insincere smile and told her no problem we would look into it as I was trying to fight back the tears and anxiety.
Let me give you a little bit of background info on this topic. When I was growing up, I grew up in a neighborhood full of girls. I have great memories of growing up and some of those girls became my BFFs for life even though I moved far away from them when I got married :(. Each and every one of those girls was skinny, flexible and could dance well including my only sister, except for me. I have 2 left feet and never had any flexibility in my life. Now don't get me wrong I took 10 years of dancing growing up but let's face it, I sucked at it. I always wondered why the teacher put me in the back during dance recitals and why she never smiled at me, it was because I sucked and I fully accept it now but my own mother never told me the truth and told me I was great at it and looked beautiful on stage. Even mothers lie time again to their own children so they don't hurt their feelings.
I fully admit I should not be able to share an opinion on this topic as I am not a dance expert by any means but I believe my daughter to be a pretty good dancer. She is graceful and pretty flexible and her body seems to move fluidly- I really enjoy seeing her dance.
She tried out for the competitive dance team and made the team but in all honesty I think everyone makes the team as what dance teacher in their right mind is going to turn down the extreme dance tuition fee hike that you have to pay each month when you are placed on the competitive team.
I honestly feel as if I am part of a new universe now. We have practices all the time during the competitive dance season which kicks into full swing January thru June. We are at the dance studio several times during the week including Saturday's and Sunday's. I learned a new term "blinging" which means to add sequins to the costumes to make them look prettier and really sparkle. We have meetings and several emails back and forth on how to bling the sequins exactly and where to place them. We also have to travel several hours from home so that involves staying at hotels etc. and sometimes the dance competitions are during the work week so you have to use vacation days to get the kids to the dance competitions, I can think of many places I would rather be using my vacation days towards but I won't digress. When the actual dance competition takes place we have to be there several hours ahead of time to get the dancers ready including perfecting the twist bun which took me several weeks to learn how to do and also to learn how to correctly apply fake eyelashes and stage make up. Oh, I almost forgot you have to know how to sew the costumes as well. My initial thought was I hand over all this money, the costumes are ordered from wherever they order them from and then the costumes come in ready to go- boy was I wrong about that. In my home economics class during high school we never learned how to sew so thank goodness my husband can sew or we would be toast! Sometimes the kids dance at 3PM during the actual dance competition but then the awards ceremony doesn't take place until 830PM that night so you have to wait for hours.....this whole new world is very challenging but fascinating at the same time.
To sum it up I get the vibe that I don't belong in this dance group as I have no idea what I am doing and am not scared to admit it. Many of the other dance moms are wonderful however there are a few that I believe can smell my fear and they try to capitalize on that fact and try to "get" under my skin by some of their actions and what they have said to me but I will stand strong because my daughter loves it so far and we will keep doing it as long as she is fully committed- but if I can figure out a way to change her mind, I may try as I would prefer soccer cleats to ballet shoes any day of the week :) And I can do a pony tail in 10 seconds flat, instead of a twist bun that takes me 2 hours :)
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Never ever honk at a mom in a minivan!
I would not consider myself a violent person by nature. However, I have very strong and deep rooted principles I can not ignore very easily so if I am pushed to the edge I will show it!
Today started off as any normal school day would. I rustled my 3 daughters out of bed at 730 AM on the dot after another restless night listening to my husband snore, pass gas, and cough all night. Then during the other hours I was trying to sleep when he wasn't making noise my 3 year old cried out in the night several times looking for me ( she is in her own room across the hall but I leave both our doors open in case there is an emergency)- if I got in a full two, uninterrupted hours of sleep last night I would be surprised
Every morning no matter if we lay clothes out the night before, my 3 year old is almost guaranteed to throw a massive temper tantrum about her wardrobe choice that day. It takes what feels like hours for her to pick out the perfect attire.
My oldest daughter had been ill the week before and had missed several days of school and was complaining that her stomach was killing her. I took her temperature and it was a perfect 98.6 so I decided that since she had missed several days of school the week before she needed to go to school, first mistake of my day.
After dropping off my older daughters at elementary school then dropping off my three year old at daycare after she threw another massive fit because I forgot to bring her juice box along with us for the ride, my phone starting ringing as I was walking out of the daycare doors and it was my boss. When my boss calls it is never with great news to tell me that she appreciates all my hard work or that I am getting a raise, it was news that our very demanding client had changed the design layout again for the 10th time that week and all of the paperwork would need to be redone again from scratch for the 10th time in the next few hours, great, just great.
In that moment I decided due to the crazy unpredictable weather we had been having lately I would run into the grocery store and grab just a few items we could not live without, this was my second mistake for the day.
I pulled into the middle of the parking lot in my gold minivan and there were PLENTY of empty parking spots as it was 830AM during the week. I opened my car door and my purse that was sitting on the passenger seat fell off my seat and I was attempting to grab it off the car floor. As my feet were reaching down to the ground I heard the loudest car honk I have ever heard and it actually startled the hell out of me so badly it caused me to jump in the air and my heart to start racing. This crazy 20 something year old woman was trying to pull in the empty spot next to me and I am guessing the extra 2 seconds that I had my car door open made her upset! She shouted something at me and quickly drove off. I could not hear what she said but I have to imagine it was not something pleasant.
In that moment, I had two choices as I saw it. I could choose either to pray for her soul that she would find patience and not honk at strangers for no reason and walk into the store as if nothing had happened or I could choose to confront her. Something inside of me and I just can't explain what it was possibly the frustration with my day so far, motherly advice that I felt obligated to share with her, I am not sure what inside of me caused my reaction but I ran across the parking lot as quickly as I could to search for he car. I saw her car right in front of the store and she was still sitting in the car with it running as she was chatting on her cell phone. In that moment, I lost my cool, I admit it. I became so angry, I was shaking and at the same time I became so jealous of her. The inside of her car was amazingly clean no car seats, no Justice clothing bills thrown everywhere, no kid homework folders, no three year old artwork papers, no empty hubba bubba wrappers etc. She was very pretty, blonde hair blue eyed I believe and her makeup and wardrobe were flawless. She had such beautiful skin no wrinkles, age spots, etc just perfect. She was laughing on her cell phone as if she had no care in the world and her biggest concern for the day was trying to figure out where to go meet her friends for drinks and dinner later that night. I was just so jealous of her in that moment because many years ago I used to look and feel that way too- I just can't explain to anyone what I was feeling or thinking.
I started banging on her window as loud as I could and at first she glanced at me and then turned the other way to continue her conversation completely ignoring me. I started banging even louder and I told her to roll down her window NOW and she did. I really tried to remain calm at first but all of my frustrations came to a boiling point with her and I started to scream at the top of my lungs and use unkind profane words at her that I have no idea where they came from. I told her she had no right to honk at me when all I was doing was trying to get out of my car and I had done nothing wrong and she had really scared me. I told her she should never honk at a mother in a minivan because she had no idea what we went through every day. I told her if I knew I wouldn't be sued I would open up a big can of whoop ass on her right there in the parking lot since she had been so inconsiderate but that because I didn't want to go to jail and because she had no clue what the real world was actually like I would compose myself. She told me I was fat and ugly and to go home a fix myself up and I told her I earned my stretch marks, tired eyes, and dull skin the hard way after 3 kids, a full time job and keeping up with my house with little help and that she better drive away now or we were going to make the evening news. Luckily she drove away or I am not sure what would have happened.
I am not sure if what I did was right or not but some people need to get a clue and be more considerate but I do believe this might have been the 3rd mistake I made that morning in confronting someone who at 22 and is seemingly perfect on the outside may never understand what a 37 year old mom is feeling on the inside on a daily basis!
By the way I got a call from the elementary school a few hours later that my oldest daughter was throwing up and needed to be picked up immediately- I guess I should not have sent her to school after all!
Today started off as any normal school day would. I rustled my 3 daughters out of bed at 730 AM on the dot after another restless night listening to my husband snore, pass gas, and cough all night. Then during the other hours I was trying to sleep when he wasn't making noise my 3 year old cried out in the night several times looking for me ( she is in her own room across the hall but I leave both our doors open in case there is an emergency)- if I got in a full two, uninterrupted hours of sleep last night I would be surprised
Every morning no matter if we lay clothes out the night before, my 3 year old is almost guaranteed to throw a massive temper tantrum about her wardrobe choice that day. It takes what feels like hours for her to pick out the perfect attire.
My oldest daughter had been ill the week before and had missed several days of school and was complaining that her stomach was killing her. I took her temperature and it was a perfect 98.6 so I decided that since she had missed several days of school the week before she needed to go to school, first mistake of my day.
After dropping off my older daughters at elementary school then dropping off my three year old at daycare after she threw another massive fit because I forgot to bring her juice box along with us for the ride, my phone starting ringing as I was walking out of the daycare doors and it was my boss. When my boss calls it is never with great news to tell me that she appreciates all my hard work or that I am getting a raise, it was news that our very demanding client had changed the design layout again for the 10th time that week and all of the paperwork would need to be redone again from scratch for the 10th time in the next few hours, great, just great.
In that moment I decided due to the crazy unpredictable weather we had been having lately I would run into the grocery store and grab just a few items we could not live without, this was my second mistake for the day.
I pulled into the middle of the parking lot in my gold minivan and there were PLENTY of empty parking spots as it was 830AM during the week. I opened my car door and my purse that was sitting on the passenger seat fell off my seat and I was attempting to grab it off the car floor. As my feet were reaching down to the ground I heard the loudest car honk I have ever heard and it actually startled the hell out of me so badly it caused me to jump in the air and my heart to start racing. This crazy 20 something year old woman was trying to pull in the empty spot next to me and I am guessing the extra 2 seconds that I had my car door open made her upset! She shouted something at me and quickly drove off. I could not hear what she said but I have to imagine it was not something pleasant.
In that moment, I had two choices as I saw it. I could choose either to pray for her soul that she would find patience and not honk at strangers for no reason and walk into the store as if nothing had happened or I could choose to confront her. Something inside of me and I just can't explain what it was possibly the frustration with my day so far, motherly advice that I felt obligated to share with her, I am not sure what inside of me caused my reaction but I ran across the parking lot as quickly as I could to search for he car. I saw her car right in front of the store and she was still sitting in the car with it running as she was chatting on her cell phone. In that moment, I lost my cool, I admit it. I became so angry, I was shaking and at the same time I became so jealous of her. The inside of her car was amazingly clean no car seats, no Justice clothing bills thrown everywhere, no kid homework folders, no three year old artwork papers, no empty hubba bubba wrappers etc. She was very pretty, blonde hair blue eyed I believe and her makeup and wardrobe were flawless. She had such beautiful skin no wrinkles, age spots, etc just perfect. She was laughing on her cell phone as if she had no care in the world and her biggest concern for the day was trying to figure out where to go meet her friends for drinks and dinner later that night. I was just so jealous of her in that moment because many years ago I used to look and feel that way too- I just can't explain to anyone what I was feeling or thinking.
I started banging on her window as loud as I could and at first she glanced at me and then turned the other way to continue her conversation completely ignoring me. I started banging even louder and I told her to roll down her window NOW and she did. I really tried to remain calm at first but all of my frustrations came to a boiling point with her and I started to scream at the top of my lungs and use unkind profane words at her that I have no idea where they came from. I told her she had no right to honk at me when all I was doing was trying to get out of my car and I had done nothing wrong and she had really scared me. I told her she should never honk at a mother in a minivan because she had no idea what we went through every day. I told her if I knew I wouldn't be sued I would open up a big can of whoop ass on her right there in the parking lot since she had been so inconsiderate but that because I didn't want to go to jail and because she had no clue what the real world was actually like I would compose myself. She told me I was fat and ugly and to go home a fix myself up and I told her I earned my stretch marks, tired eyes, and dull skin the hard way after 3 kids, a full time job and keeping up with my house with little help and that she better drive away now or we were going to make the evening news. Luckily she drove away or I am not sure what would have happened.
I am not sure if what I did was right or not but some people need to get a clue and be more considerate but I do believe this might have been the 3rd mistake I made that morning in confronting someone who at 22 and is seemingly perfect on the outside may never understand what a 37 year old mom is feeling on the inside on a daily basis!
By the way I got a call from the elementary school a few hours later that my oldest daughter was throwing up and needed to be picked up immediately- I guess I should not have sent her to school after all!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I am sorry, yes I do curse in front of my children!
Welcome to my blog!
I have decided to join the bandwagon and start a blog so I can share happy moments, frustrating moments (mostly), and just random thoughts that are plaguing my mind daily.
To quote C.J. Cherryh "It is perfectly okay to write garbage—as long as you edit brilliantly."
Just some quick facts about me. I have been married to my husband for thirteen years now and we have three daughters ages 9,8 and 3. I will turn 37 in two months , I think that is correct, hang on a second let me pull out my I- phone calculator so I can subtract the year I was born from the year it is now, yes I was correct on my age I will turn 37 in January....
I work full time out of my house but I still can't decide if that is a good or bad thing because I never get a break from seeing dirty laundry piling up or dirty dishes doing the same.
Lately I believe I am experiencing a new phase in my life that I am not sure if a qualified therapist would label as boredom, depression, exhaustion etc. but the daily mundane tasks that never bothered me before are REALLY starting to bother me now.
I get out of bed each morning and I really want to be in a good mood, I really do, and I want to have a smile on my face and experience a Snow White moment and sing with the birds but in all honesty I just want to crawl back in bed, pull the covers over my head and not face ANOTHER day of impossible client deadlines, my husband asking me where HIS phone, phone charger, keys, I pad, shoes are or hearing him complain that his socks that I have paired together are NOT in fact a match, a massive 3 year old temper tantrum when all I tried to do was suggest she wear a pair of purple pants instead of her showing up once again in the same pink pants to daycare , sibling rivalry between my older girls over who is going to get to wear the one pair of silly sunglasses in the house when I know very well there are 20 other pairs hiding out in our house somewhere so they can participate in silly sunglasses day at school, spilled cereal and milk all over the kitchen counters, floor, kitchen table , 25 new loads of laundry to do that I swear were not in there yesterday, 7 baskets full of clean clothes to fold and put away that are now preventing me from entering into the laundry room, a stack of dirty dishes piling so high in my sink I can no longer see out of my kitchen window and last but not least cold molded coffee that is waiting for me in my coffee machine so once again I will be forced to spend another $6 at Starbucks because if I drink the molded coffee I could become really sick so I have no other choice but to order a tall latte and of course a slice of lemon pound cake that will add another 5lbs to my stomach rolls instantly......Now I have begged, pleaded, cried, solicited, requested that another living body in my household (there are 5 of us that live here) that someone else other then me just every once in awhile empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, fold a load of laundry, scrub a toilet or sweep the kitchen floor but my repeated requests fall on deaf ears and I won't be able to stand it if my house becomes a war zone .....I just don't have it in me to let the house go to pot. My girls are almost old enough and they are soon going to be doing the laundry and doing the dishes and they can just add that to their already compounding list of why mom is mean and always grumpy
As fulfilling and blessed as my life is I just honestly feel right now that I have become a robot doing the same things over and over each and every day and if I have to pick up one more empty fruit snack wrapper from the living room floor or if I find one more friendship bracelet laying on my hallway floor I am going to jump in my minivan, withdraw as much cash as I can from the ATM machine (hopefully it will be on a payday or I might have to use a credit card in which I may get tracked) and get on a foul smelling bus and disappear forever to a small city in Mexico where a blonde hair, blued eyed mom can easily blend in and of course I can get by knowing a few words of Spanish, such as knowing how to ask where a bathroom is and what time is it in Spanish, so I should be all set.
Today I would like to speak about a taboo topic- when a mother curses in front of her children. This morning I had 10 extra minutes and I was trying to get a load of laundry going before driving the kids to school and while I was sorting thru the darks and whites (please close your eyes for this next part if you get squeamish easily) I found a dirty piece of toilet paper that was caught in my toddlers dirty underwear and lets just say it contained a gross present for me....Most people have learned the art of keeping their comments to themselves but I admit I can blow up sometimes verbally and I managed to let out a very loud "You have got to be F***ing kidding me" out of my mouth before noticing that little ears, was standing right behind me and she was grinning from ear to ear. At that moment, I was not sure what to do so I just played it off like nothing happened. However, when she was getting into the minivan she turned to me and echoed the same wording choice to me I had just used 5 minutes ago. Immediately my two older daughters started to get hysterical and repeating her exact words so as I am driving to school my mind was in a tizzy wondering if I should just come clean and let her teach know what had happened in case she hears the same choice words or if I should go along with my day as if nothing had happened I chose the latter. Let's just say when I picked her up at daycare this evening there was a behavior note that I had to sign stating that my daughter was cursing on the playground today- the only thing that gave me a hint of happiness was the thought of a Housewives Reunion show on Bravo tonight.
I am a bad mother.
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